I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Your cock deserves a montage
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
