If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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