His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
