are you still at the devil's house?
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
