this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
