So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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