he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
