Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
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