we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
