Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
