I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
