Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
