the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
