I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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