Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Randomize
