what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
