you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
