Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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