I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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