I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Send help, water and tortillas.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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