apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
