and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Come see our sink grown plant.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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