2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
