Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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