my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
