i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
