We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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