I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
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