my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
