Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
