I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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