my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
