Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
They are going to name an STD after you.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
