somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
