there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
