that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
