the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
