Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
