Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
