Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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