i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
