those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
