Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
