his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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