He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Randomize
