I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
