He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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