Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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