I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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