You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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