This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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