I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
