I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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