You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
