He is an equal opportunity slut.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
