Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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