Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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