i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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