Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
